Captain Charming-OUAT Drabbles & Ficlets
by SpartanGuard
Summary: Just a gathering of my OUAT one-shots. Mostly silly and mostly related to David and Killian. Rated T for innuendo.
1. Pretty, part 1

_Written in celebration of the first-ever Captain Charming Friday! (which is basically just me and few other people spamming our dashes with Captain Charming stuff on Fridays, originally prompted by the video of Josh Dallas and Colin O'Donoghue "kissing" on set)  
_

_Update: This is now a three-parter! Jump to Chapters 5 and 6 to see the rest!_

* * *

"It's too thick, mate."

"Well, it's my first time."

"Give it here; let me try."

"I don't know how you manage to do this with one hand."

"Lots of practice."

Snow had no idea what was going on in the bathroom of their apartment, and she wasn't quite sure she wanted to know. All she knew was that the voices belonged to her husband and her daughter's pirate.

So, of course, she had to eavesdrop outside the closed door.

"Stop fidgeting and keep your eyes closed!"

"Sorry, man; it tickles!"

Emma came around the corner just then, but stopped when she saw her mother standing, listening intently. She was about to speak when Snow put a finger to her mouth, covering an amused smirk.

"Almost done."

"You sure this will work?"

"If I recall, you're the one who asked me."

Emma's hand covered her mouth to stifle a giggle. Snow, frankly, couldn't take it anymore, and so she quickly opened the door… and immediately began laughing.

David was seated on the toilet and Killian stood in front of him, eyeliner in hand. Both men froze where they were when they realized they'd been caught.

"Oh, um, hello, love." Emma was too speechless to reply.

"David?" Snow asked.

"I, uh…I wanted to see if my eyes would look as pretty as Hook's."

(They did.)


	2. Monster Bash

_After one of the sneak peaks for 4x11, "Darkness on the Edge of Town," came out, I was getting "Monster Mash" stuck in my head thanks to Killian's line about a "monster bash." Which got me wondering just how (or if) he knew about the song. So then this happened: a Halloween fic...in March. It's not that great (it actually gets pretty cheesy), but someone might like it, so I thought I'd share it to celebrate the end of the hiatus._

* * *

Emma was only slightly surprised when the pumpkins and plastic skeletons began popping up—Storybrooke celebrated any other holiday with as much fervor as your run-of-the-mill American small town, so why would Halloween be any different?

The chances of finding yourself wearing a costume of your neighbor or a relative was much higher here, though. The one year Emma actually got to go trick-or-treating as a kid, the tomboy shocked everyone by dressing as Cinderella (and loved it). She never imagined that she'd turn out to be a fairy tale princess herself, or that she'd see Ella—well, Ashley—on the regular.

As the day drew closer and the town became more decorated in orange and black, Killian began asking her questions. "Why do you put a candle in a vegetable?" "What's so scary about bones?" "Why does that sheet have a face?" She'd roll her eyes, but secretly loved how curious he was, and how eager he was to understand this realm.

No one was more excited for Halloween than Ruby, who insisted on hosting a party at the diner (much to Granny's chagrin). "And you HAVE to dress up!" she told everyone she invited.

"Why would we have to dress up?" was the next in Killian's long line of inquiries.

"Just another part of the tradition."

"What do people dress up as?"

"Oh, anything really. Princesses, superheroes, monsters...pirates," she added with a smile.

His devilish grin spread across his face. "Oh really? And what will you be dressing as, Swan?"

She laughed. "I don't dress up."

"Ah, but Miss Lucas said you must!"

Rolling her eyes, she said, "We'll see."

* * *

Ruby had gone all-out decorating the diner, with black and orange streamers everywhere, and came up with an adorably spooky menu. It reminded Emma of the parties they had in elementary school.

Mary Margaret had somehow convinced Emma into a group Harry Potter costume with her and baby Neal. Emma had to admit that her brother looked adorable in his little glasses and tiny, drawn-on lightning bolt scar.

David, however, had opted to go a little crazy: he'd tracked down a Thriller-era Michael Jackson-esque jacket, and it looked like he'd gotten some guyliner tips from Killian. He was out on the dance floor (well, more like dance space—Ruby had moved a few tables) leading the dwarves and few others in the "Thriller" dance. _Pretty impressive for a guy who slept through the '80s_, Emma thought.

Killian, who had returned to full pirate gear for the night, watched the scene unfold with an amused look on his face. David had tried to get him to join in, but he claimed having two left feet (which Emma knew wasn't true, after their trip to the past, but she wasn't going to complain if he wanted to sit with his arm around her instead). Mary Margaret was laughing and recording the whole thing on her phone, though Emma couldn't tell if it was for posterity or blackmail.

When the song finally ended, David returned to their booth, but the dwarves stayed on for the next few songs in Ruby's Halloween playlist. If watching her dad dance hadn't been entertaining enough, watching Leroy certainly was—though she suspected Ruby's "vampire blood" punch had something to do with it.

"Does this holiday have its own music?" Killian asked her.

"Um, kinda. Some songs are written for it, but some just end up associated with it, like 'Thriller'. Why?"

"I was just trying to decipher why anyone would dedicate a song to some monster's...bash."

She hadn't been paying attention to the actual songs playing, but her ears picked up the familiar tune of "Monster Mash." _Ugh, of course_; she'd never been a fan of that one.

"Not 'bash'—'mash'. You know, a dance?"

"Like a waltz?"

She laughed. "Um, no; not quite as refined." Mary Margaret chimed in with, "Look at Dopey-he's sort of doing it." Emma quickly scanned the dance floor to find the dwarf, who was doing a very sloppy version of the Mashed Potato.

Killian's brow furrowed, and then he shook his head. "If that's what passes for dancing in this realm, I think I best stay out of it."

David smirked. "Well, not everyone here is as light-footed as me." Emma and her mother simultaneously rolled her eyes.

"So what's a 'bash', then?" Killian asked.

Mary Margaret waved a hand. "This. A party of some sort, with music and dancing. Pretty informal, but with the possibility of going wild."

"Seems, then, like that's what the song is describing."

"Really?" Emma exclaimed, smacking her hand down on the table. "We're debating the lyrics of a crappy song written 50 years ago?"

"It comes from your realm, love. Don't blame me for pointing out the inaccuracies." He added a gentle smirk that made it hard for her to stay annoyed with him.

She turned to her parents. "None of those monsters are real, right? Or do we have to worry about this actually turning into a monster bash?"

"I've never heard talk of Dracula or vampires, and you know about Ruby," Mary Margaret started, before glancing down. "But, um, you'd have to talk to Whale about Frankenstein's monster."

Her father stiffened at the mention of the doctor—that was still a sore spot for him—but Emma was surprised. "Are you kidding me? Let me guess, the Creature from the Black Lagoon is real, too?"

"I'm actually fairly certain I came across that one once," Killian said. "Nasty bugger."

Emma just shook her head. "One of these days, this stuff will stop shocking me; but not tonight." She leaned into her pirate in defeat.

"Well, if there was a monster bash somewhere, we'd know about it, because it would definitely be taking place here," David said, earning a few chuckles (with a hint of exasperation).

"Right you are, mate," Killian said.

"And we'd be leading the charge against it," Emma added.

"Together," Mary Margaret said with a smile.

* * *

"Well, this isn't our first monster bash."

Memories of that Halloween night came flooding back with her boyfriend's quip, and Emma had to fight back a laugh. No, it wasn't; but they'd beat the monster together.


	3. Wolverine

_So this was supposed to be a short little drabble for Captain Charming Friday, prompted by a phrase from a random dialogue generator__. The phrase is in bold below._

_But then a goofy post from texts-from-the-rolly-joger kept popping up...about Killian's potential love for Wolverine, and...it kind of got away from me._

_(The previous debauchery can be found in Drunk Dial Chapter 2.)_

* * *

It was girls' night out for Emma and Mary Margaret, which meant boys' night in for David and Killian.

**"Promise me you'll look after your mother." **

"I will, Dad, don't worry." Emma rolled her eyes at her father's concern, but he could tell she shared a bit, too. "We won't have a repeat of your last night out."

David blushed, thinking back to the night he dragged Hook out to the Rabbit Hole for their own night of debauchery. Things got…interesting. "Alright, have fun."

"Will do." Emma gave him a quick hug goodbye, and then gave Killian a parting kiss, who had just arrived with takeout.

The door closed with a click, leaving the prince and pirate in a bit of an awkward silence, as they were both probably reflecting on that night a few weeks ago. It was the first time they'd been alone since then.

"Let's just…" David started.

"Forget it ever happened?" Killian finished.

David laughed and nodded. "Alright, Neal's asleep for now; what do you want to do?" Just hanging out was new territory for them.

"Well, let's eat, and maybe you could show me that Netflix thing Emma's always going on about?"

David pulled up Netflix while Killian unloaded the bag from Granny's. David watched as Killian deftly used both hand and hook to open the containers; his skill with his metallic appendage gave him an idea as to what they could watch.

Once settled on the couch, food and beer within reach, Killian asked, "So, what are we viewing, mate?"

"It's a movie; I think you'll like it. It's called 'X-Men.'"

David had almost as much fun watching Killian watch the movie as he did watching it himself. The pirate was enraptured with each character and their powers, but none more so than Wolverine (as he had expected). They both had similar tragic backgrounds, long lifetimes, and their trademark metal parts.

He asked at the end, "So, what did you think?"

Killian grinned back. "I liked that guy. Is there more about him?"

David smiled and queued up "X-Men Origins: Wolverine."

* * *

Emma and Mary Margaret stumbled home a bit later than planned, but no worse for the wear. They were alarmed, however, to hear the clang of metal through the loft's front door.

Near-panicking, Emma struggled to get the key in the lock and open up, completely unprepared for what she saw.

Killian and her father were engaged in some level of hand-to-hand combat, hook versus…claw?

David had taken three dinner knives and somehow attached them to his hands. (Was that duct tape?) And he and Killian were playfully taking swipes at one another, like some sort of dangerous game of Chicken—never getting close enough to do damage, but clearly enjoying the sound of metal on metal. (There were more than a few beer bottles on the table, she noted.)

Until Killian noticed they had an audience and lost focus; David, however, did not, and his makeshift weapons met Killian's face.

"Bloody hell, mate!" His hand flew up to his cheek and came away bloody, so he cursed some more.

"Shit, Hook, I'm so sorry!"

Wordlessly, Emma dragged him into the bathroom; she could hear her mother scolding her father in the living room despite her slurred speech.

"What the hell were you guys doing?" She applied a wet washcloth to the cuts, which thankfully were just surface scratches.

He winced at the sting, but answered sheepishly, "We were watching Wolverine and…"

With the alcohol still running in her system, Emma broke down in hysterics before he could finish that statement. "You would."

"My pain is amusing, eh?"

"You'll be fine. I meant, you _would_ love Wolverine."

"How could I not?" he grinned back cheekily.

She pulled back the washcloth; he'd stopped bleeding, but there were three very noticeable red lines on his face. "Well, you'll live."

He inspected the injury in the mirror, before giving her a goofy smirk and running back out into the main room. Her eyes instinctively rolled before he even said a word.

"Look, mate: claw marks!"


	4. damp Captain Charming

_Another Captain Charming Friday fic. There's not much to say. David and Killian get wet. Enjoy (I certainly did).  
_

* * *

It was overcast when David and Killian began chasing the latest annoyance in Storybrooke, but that quickly gave way to a torrential downpour. With visibility ruined due to the heavy rain, they had to give up the pursuit, and made their way to Granny's as originally planned.

Emma and Snow were beginning to worry when they finally heard the tinkle of the bell over the door, and watched their boys come in drenched to the bone, layers of clothes clinging to their skin and hair plastered against their foreheads.

Killian just shook his head and pushed his wet locks out of his face; he'd certainly been more water-logged in his many years.

David followed suit, but only got a reproachful look from Granny and a comment on not getting her floor wet.

Emma stood to meet them, and helped Killian peel off his wet jacket. They began discussing the latest turn of events as David too sloughed off his coat.

The girls exchanged a mischievous glance as the boys continued their story, and slightly nodded at each other before interrupting. "Killian, let's get that vest off; it's so wet." "Come here David, that flannel is soaked."

Killian quirked an eyebrow, but obliged in letting Emma unbutton his waistcoat and slide it off his shoulders. David kept talking as Snow rolled his shirt off over his arms, oblivious to the hungry look in his wife's eyes.

There was a lull in the conversation as the girls took in the sight before them: Killian's navy button-down clung to his shoulders and skin, doing little to hide his toned core, and his black pants were almost a second skin; David's white henley was almost see-through as it lay plastered across his strong chest, calling all attention away from the jeans plastered to his legs.

A wolf whistle broke Emma and Snow from their reverie; it was Ruby at the bar, next to a grinning Granny. The girls immediately blushed, caught in the act.

"Oh really, Swan? Like what you see?" Killian smirked and locked eyes with Emma in a smoldering stare. David just laughed and cupped Snow's face in his hands, leaning in for a kiss.

Curiosity got the better of him, so Killian turned to take stock of David, who eventually reciprocated the action. After brief once-overs, they met each other's gaze and nodded.

"What was that, some kind of bro-code?" Emma asked jokingly.

"Something like that," David replied as Killian scratched behind his ear.

(Neither of them would ever admit it, but...they were impressed.)


	5. Pretty, part 2

_Part 2 of the "Pretty" trilogy! Note that this was written before "Operation Mongoose" aired, so it's not exactly what happened in the episode...just what I wanted to happen._

* * *

"I see you've been practicing, Dave."

Killian was still wrapping his mind around the predicament at hand: how he had found himself in some bizarre version of the Enchanted Forest, where he, returned to a pirate, was engaged in hand-to-hand combat with a dark version of Prince Charming, who he knew to be anything but.

The clang of the prince's sword against his own jarred him from his thoughts. In this realm, or wherever they were, this David had one thing in common with his true self: he didn't want a pirate to be close to his daughter.

"If you're referring to swordplay, pirate, then you know I have years of training."

Had Killian not pulled his weapon up when he did, the prince's own surely would have found his skull. Charming was undeterred, and Killian needed his hook to continue fending off the prince's advance, which was slowly backing him into a wall.

"I wasn't referring to your fighting skills, your highness," Killian shouted back. David pushed closer, his hot breath inches from Killian's face.

"What the hell are you talking about, scoundrel?" the prince yelled, finally pressing Killian against the parapet, his chest heaving with exertion against Killian's.

"Nice eyeliner, but mine's still better."


	6. Pretty, part 3

_The finale to the "Pretty" trilogy! Killian's death in the AU is not the only thing he's holding over David's head._

* * *

"Hey, hun, I think you left this in the bathroom," David said, extending the errant stick of eyeliner he'd found out to Snow, who was busy feeding their infant son at the dining table.

"Hm?" She looked away from the task at hand at what David was offering. "That's not mine; I use liquid."

His brow furrowed, and he turned to Emma, who was reading on the couch next to Hook. "Em?"

"Not mine."

"Well, whose—"

Before he could finish, the pirate began chuckling.

"Really, Hook?"

"It's a good look for you, mate." He continued laughing, but David tossed the stick at him while rolling his eyes.

* * *

David blindly reached for a pen at his desk at the sheriff station, realizing something was amiss when he couldn't click down on the top. He groaned when he saw what he was holding. Pulling out his phone, he jotted out a text.

_D: Nice try, Hook._

_K: What are you talking about?_

_D: The eyeliner._

_K: Oh. That. Like I said, it looked good. You should give it another go_

He made a point of sticking it in the pirate's pocket at Granny's that night.

* * *

The eyeliner continued to pop up in random places—with the silverware, in the fridge, nestled in his truck's cupholder, even in his sock drawer. (David knew better than to question the _how _when dealing with a legendary pirate.) And each time, David tossed it back to Killian, never missing the twinkle in Hook's eye.

The last straw was the day it was again in the bathroom, next to his toothbrush. He gave up.

When he emerged a few minutes later, he immediately sought out the pirate, again curled up on the couch with his daughter.

"Are you happy now?"

Killian looked up at David, a grin stretching from ear to ear.

"What did I tell you, mate? Striking."


	7. Evenly Matched

_I decided these two needed a rematch (for multiple reasons). Not as fluffy or silly as you might expect, though._

_this got kind of long._

* * *

It had been five days since Emma disappeared. Five of the longest days David could remember; even worse than Neverland.

Once the initial shock of what happened wore off, they immediately worked to figure out how to fix it; how to get his baby girl back. He was thankful he still had his wife and son, but his heart ached not knowing where or how his daughter was.

And no one was taking it harder than Hook. His initial anger and grief had seemingly dulled, but David knew the man well enough to know that it was simmering under the surface. The pirate spent most of his waking hours at the library doing research, though David couldn't tell how much was actual work and how much was distraction. (He knew it would be hypocritical to bring it up; he'd certainly been spending more time at the sheriff station than may have been necessary.)

David and Snow had somehow convinced him to come back to the loft on the first night, and on the second, he grudgingly agreed to take Emma's room for the time being. The next night, when David was up with Neal at 3 am, he could hear strained murmuring from upstairs—_"Emma...Emma, no!"_—but he didn't (and wouldn't) say a thing.

He was kind of proud of Hook: not once had the man cried for vengeance, acted on impulse, or drank himself into oblivion; all his efforts were focused on Emma. David had found it impossible to disapprove of him.

Which is why it broke his heart to see Killian depressed. Gone were the witty banter and jokes at Dave's expense. Hook put on a brave face for Henry, but David could see the pain in his eyes.

It had been five days, and something needed to change. They were no closer to a solution and spirits were fading fast. Still feeling guilty about his actions in their alternate lives, David got an idea.

He found Hook on the couch skimming through a musty old tome. Gently, he tossed a scabbard and sword on the empty cushion next to the pirate.

"What's this, mate?" Killian sounded tired; the normal amusement that would have tinged his voice and lit his eyes was notably absent.

"I just thought we needed a fair fight." David was still impressed that Hook's other self had managed to disarm him, despite their unequal prowess with a blade. He knew the real man to be quite skilled, though.

And it worked; Hook's curiosity was piqued. "Is that so? If I recall, I still did fairly well against your supposedly superior skills."

"Yeah, but now it's time we meet on even ground. Come on."

Hook started to stand, but paused on the edge of the sofa, looking up at his challenger. "You aren't hiding a dagger on me again, are you?"

David chuckled. "No secret weapons, I promise."

* * *

The yard behind the apartment building was empty and secluded; the perfect place to let off some steam.

They unsheathed their swords, and Killian took a moment to get used to the weight of the unfamiliar blade. When it looked like he was ready, Dave extended his and waited for Hook to meet him in the middle.

It started slow—gentle parries and cautious circling—until David decided to swing in, forcing Hook to jump back (David was glad the swords were dull). Killian had looked somewhat listless until then, but it seemed to light a fire somewhere deep down, and he came back full-force at the prince.

The fight then became furious, the clash of swords filling the yard, punctuated by the occasional grunt. David knew the pirate was good, but he didn't realize _how _good; every move seemed effortless and graceful, like it was part of a dance. David's style was more aggressive, but equally effective, and he found an opportunity to advance on his opponent.

Back and forth they went for some time, until Hook made a near-fatal pause; David charged in and the pirate only just evaded the blow, using both blade and hook to stop the attack.

With a swift flourish of his metallic appendage and an accompanying yell, Hook managed to fling not only David's sword to the side, but he lost his own as well. He watched the blades crash to the ground with a gentle thud, and then he too fell to his knees.

At first, David thought he was just panting from the exertion, but it quickly became apparent that it wasn't the sole case; he was crying. Sobs racked his body as days of suppressing his anguish caught up to him. It hurt to watch...and it made something crack in David, as well. He too had been swallowing his fears and dismay—the feeling that he had yet again failed his daughter—and seeing the same emotions so clearly on display in front of him brought his own bubbling to the surface.

He knelt next to Hook, placing his hands on the pirate's shoulders. Not having grown up with his brother, he wasn't sure how to comfort another guy, especially one in such emotional turmoil. So he did what felt logical: he pulled Killian into his arms; after a moment, Hook reciprocated.

_What a sorry sight we must make_ flitted through David's brain, but he didn't really care; he needed this just as much as Hook did.

He didn't know how long they sat like that, the pirate's tears wetting his flannel shirt just as much as his were likely doing the same to Killian's button-up. Eventually, Hook's breathing calmed and evened; quietly, he said into the prince's shoulder, "thank you."

"Hey, we're in this together," David replied. It would take all of them to find Emma; just as she had brought them together in Neverland to save Henry, they would have to band together now to save her.

Killian looked up at him through his thick lashes, eyes red and cheeks tear-stained, and nodded, with a very un-pirate-like sniffle.

David pulled away and stood up, extending his hand to the pirate, who took it with a strong squeeze as he pulled him up.

Back inside, Hook retrieved his trusty flask from his jacket. After taking a swig, he immediately offered it to Dave, gratitude showing in his eyes. David obliged with a nod, ignoring the burn of the rum that he hadn't quite developed a taste for (but something told him he would). There was a bit more light in the pirate's demeanor as he picked up the book from earlier, and David felt the same.

"Let's get back to work then, shall we?"

"Yeah."


	8. AU Drabble—What if?

_What if AU Killian crossed paths with Evil Charming? Drabble based on wandering thoughts and Captain Charming Friday._

* * *

The queen's henchman stood at the helm, shouting orders to the rest of the Black Knights who searched the ship for contraband.

Hook, as he'd been known since the accident, watched the scene from the sidelines, for once grateful of his apparent invisibility.

He couldn't help but admire the way the knight commanded his soldiers and his confidence in his position.

Killian had once dreamed of leading men on adventures. But he was just a lowly, cowardly deckhand; it would never be in the cards for him.


End file.
